If so, good for you, though please forgive my skepticism. Maybe some of you have managed to successfully scissor and/or bring a flesh golem to life. Though logic would dictate that you can link the parts of different human beings together and make them work as a cohesive whole, in reality, they’re just left cold and lifeless. There is also scissoring, which like Frankenstein’s Monster, is more gothic science fiction than science fact. I guess you could think of some of these encounters as “boss fights”, as they involve using specific items to finish off giant woman-like doll creatures, but instead of being spooky in the “maybe there will be a giant blood sucking bat!” way, they’re spooky in the “why is this plastic humanoid naked and why is she sucking on that?” way. There may be whipping, but not in the traditional Castlevania sense. There is no jumping or Medusa heads here. That’s how I felt when I first saw Girlvania, the highly pornographic, not safe for work or most other places in the world videogame for computers. Imagine the sadness that tree would feel if instead of being decorated with lights, some jerk covered it with breast implants and rubber asses. Visions of whipping flying decapitated Medusa heads in mid-air, exploring a Victorian mansion that defies all concepts of sound architectural structure, collecting bizarre relics that allow me to traverse otherwise unreachable areas, all fire in my head in unison like a row of lovingly arranged Christmas lights, wrapped around an otherwise bare fir tree. When I see the faux suffix “vania” at the end of a word, I have a Pavlovian reaction.
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